Crack Ouran
by Cookielova
Summary: Exactly what the title says. If you're feeling down and want something to cheer you up, have a read :)


**A/N:**

**This is not AU; this is the day after Haruhi joined the Host Club as its dog. ****_Before _****Tamaki found out she was a girl. Haruhi will be written as a male to not confuse you, or me. Or Tamaki. :3**

* * *

The medium sized white sign hung on the door in front of him, mocking him with its large printed letters.

He narrowed his eyes and pouted. His left eye twitched in annoyance and his legs shook.

_His father would have to hear about this._

**OUT OF ORDER.**

Tamaki shifted in embarrassment and looked around. He was starting to get desperate. This was an emergency! But he couldn't do anything. He needed to come up with a plan!

He looked around for any witness', but there was nothing but the trees and plants outside of the building and the occasional car driving past the main road 100 metres away from the school.

There was no way he could hold it for longer. He couldn't possibly make it back to class without making a fool of himself, and he couldn't last the whole day without going.

'Okay, I can do this.' Tamaki thought and planted his hands on his hips. He nodded firmly and walked away from the door, and found himself in front of another door without a sign.

Tamaki Suoh could do this.

He could 'borrow' a cubicle from the women's toilets.

Yes, that's right.

Any moment now, Tamaki would walk inside the empty_\- he hoped_\- women's toilet and he would _use _it.

Tamaki nodded in new found determination and curled his hands into fists. It was now or never.

Right.

_In we go._

He clasped one of his hands over his eyes and pushed the door open with his other, and burst into the ladies restroom shouting, "I'mreallysorryforburstinginallofasuddenbutIreallyneedtogoto thetoiletandthere'ssomethingwrongwiththemenstoilet-"

He stopped mid-sentence and slowly peeked through his fingers. The room was empty, and all he heard was the echoes of his voice around the white tiled walls.

Tamaki dropped his hand from his face and looked at his surroundings. "It looks like…a bathroom?"

The dazzling blonde scrunched his forehead in confusion, "Where are the roses? The perfume? If this really is the women's toilet, WHY DO THEY TAKE SO LONG IN HERE?" he asked to nobody in particular and looked at the intricate ceiling.

Tamaki was slightly disappointed. Was his knowledge of womanly things really that bad?

"Oh well. I'm lucky it's empty, although I know any woman wouldn't mind me using their toilets." He ran a hand through his hair and gave his reflection in the mirror a wink, and then went inside a cubicle.

He was about to zip up his black school pants when he heard the door to the bathroom open.

The half French man froze, his eyes widened.

'There's a female in the bathroom…the bathroom that's meant for women...and I'm _not_ a woman…dammit!'

Tamaki sat himself down on the toilet seat with his feet turning inwards.

"Maybe they won't check my pants from under the door…oh shit I'm screwed if I get caught!" Tamaki whispers to himself.

The footsteps kept walking, right into the stall beside him.

Tamaki leaned his head back and hit it on the wall behind him, "Ouch!" he cursed in a loud whisper and rubbed his head.

He heard the noise of clothes being rustled and clapped his hands over his ears. 'I can't listen to a woman in the bathroom! It's not right, not gentlemanly!' he thought, blushing slightly.

The toilet flushed in the cubicle beside him and Tamaki let out a sigh of relief. He hadn't been caught. Just a few more seconds…

He heard footsteps again, and the person outside exhaled softly. "I think it's going to rain tonight…mou~!" the person complained to themselves and twisted the tap of one of the sinks on the other side of the bathroom.

'Wait a minute, I know that voice…' Tamaki thought incredulously at the idea of who it may be.

He opened the stall door ever so slightly, and peeked out the gap.

There stood, standing at the counter, looking at himself, was someone he had met yesterday at the Host Club. That poor, unfortunate…

"Commoner!" Tamaki shouted and jumped out of the stall in joy.

Haruhi let out a small squeal in surprize, jumping a solid metre into the air and nearly hitting his head on the sliver hand dryer.

"S-senpai?" He asked, regaining his composure. Tamaki pranced towards Haruhi with open arms.

"Oh how fate has brought us together again~" Tamaki sang before getting cut off by the cross dresser. "What are you doing in the women's toilet?" Haruhi asks bluntly.

"Oh? The same as you I guess." Tamaki replied happily. He turned the tap on and washed his hands.

Haruhi tilted his head in confusion. 'But my reason was…' he thought

"The Out of Order sign on the men's toilet." Tamaki went on.

He shook his wet hands in the sink and ran them through his blonde hair, "And I really couldn't hold it in, so I decided to go here. I was petrified when you came in, because I thought you were a female and I was going to get caught."

Haruhi stared at him as the blonde examined himself in the mirror, sweat dropping "Right…Out of Order…female toilets…it would get you in trouble…" Haruhi mumbled to himself.

"But it was only you, which is great. By the way, are you hungry? It'll be my treat if you don't mention this incident to anyone." Tamaki flashed a host smile to Haruhi and walked over to the door.

"Are you coming?" Tamaki asked, sticking one hand in his pocket.

"Yeah, sure…" Haruhi said and scratched the back of his hair. 'He didn't have to use his host smile for me...'

Tamaki nodded happily at the door. He really thought it was fate that would allow him to see the honour student again before the end of school, and it did.

Haruhi brought him out of his happy zone with a blunt statement, "Senpai, your fly is undone."

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**A/N:**

**Yeahh, how was it? Crack enough? No…**

**Pls r&amp;r~**

**-Cookielova**


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